


Parasitic Symbiosis

by Nellsie



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-11-16 20:21:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11260257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellsie/pseuds/Nellsie
Summary: The one where Natalya is using Kiku and Kiku is using Natalya, and neither of them are entirely sure if this is healthy.





	1. Mutually Beneficial

**Author's Note:**

> chapter includes a make-out session and a lot of thinking on the part of one of two main characters.

Natalya barely has to touch Kiku to get that reaction. Sweet, nervous shuddering beneath her. He isn’t whimpering and moaning and begging her to _please, touch him,_ but he’s shuddering, and that is something.

(It’s a reaction. A reaction that isn’t overt disgust or confusion. A reaction that indicates nerves, but Natalya knows Kiku well enough by now. His nerves are persistent in every interaction he has.)

“Are you okay?” Natalya asks and he nods his head. Natalya draws her hand down from his cheek and gently, barely touches his neck. Kiku shuts his eyes tight. “Can I kiss you?”

He nods, and Natalya doesn’t need to close her eyes before leaning in and _kissing_ and―

He is so soft, and he shuts his eyes so tight when Natalya kisses him. She wonders what he thinks of when he’s like this with her. Does he imagine she’s someone else? Does he think of going further than this? Does he―

Natalya feels his hands on her shoulders, his fingers under the straps of her top. She shuts her eyes and digs her fingernails into the sleeves of his shirt―and maybe he winces. Natalya feels him shift, but they are still kissing and _god_ she never thought she’d be this close to a person.

(There is a lingering, buzzing thought in the furthest reaches of her subconscious because it isn’t _Kiku_ who she’s close to right now―it’s _someone._ It could be someone, anyone at all, and Natalya would feel the same. Grateful that she was close to someone living and breathing and desiring just like her.

 _Just like her._ Kiku doesn’t want her either, and that makes it okay, because it only really matters that they want _someone._ That they can touch and feel together. Just so long as they can block out the thoughts of loneliness and of longing and―)

Natalya breaks the kiss to pull her shirt off, and she lets him kiss her again. Kiku is cold as the wooden floors of his bedroom, but he’s warmer than Natalya has ever been.

* * *

Natalya is uninterested in dating. Uninterested in revealing the deepest, darkest parts of her to someone who won’t last her. The whole idea seems… off-putting, to say the least, and Natalya doesn’t even want to get into the complications of it. No, she’d rather not have her flaws on display in front of someone she cares about, if she could ever learn to care about someone.

At the same time, Natalya is interested in companionship. In the idea of having someone―whether they be interested in her or just the prospect of _someone_ ―to just enjoy herself with. Kiku is someone who she’s been enjoying herself with.

She doesn’t know what Kiku is interested in―she doesn’t know if she acts as a replacement or a stand-in for someone else, she doesn’t know if he plays out his similar desires and fuels his similar hungers with her―but she feels that, in some ways, they have a mutually beneficial relationship, if one could call it a “relationship.”

They satisfy something within each other, whether it be Natalya’s pervasive skin-hunger, or whatever it is Kiku wants―needs―from her, or from someone, anyone at all.

And Natalya is someone, anyone at all.

* * *

(The act of longing is torturous. It is agonizing reaching for something so far away from you and having no hope of grasping anything close to what you want, and what do you even want?

And longing goes hand in hand with loneliness. Longing is the light hanging overtop of the void that you find yourself in. Longing is touch and closeness and _kissing_ and―

You’re dragging someone else into the void with you, when you reach for that light. Maybe he can fill it, if you hold onto him tight enough.)


	2. Completely Parasitic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiku feels guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter includes kissing and self pitying. can you tell where i fell off at writing it because i can.

When a kiss is pressed to his neck, Kiku’s shoulders shake and his breath stutters in his lungs. And suddenly there are hands placed―slowly, carefully―onto his shoulders.

“Do you want me to stop?” She asks, and suddenly she is no longer faceless, nameless, completely free of identity. Kiku’s eyelids flutter open to face Natalya.

He shakes his head. “Keep going.” He says, and her mouth is softly pressed against his neck again. Kiku shuts his eyes again. He feels his fingernails dig into the palms of his hands. He feels his toes curling in on themselves. Hands are moving from his shoulders to his chest and  _ down, down, _ and―

(lips are pressed against the crook of his neck and his shoulder and Kiku imagines someone who isn’t actually there and that makes him feel guilty.

but hands are beneath his shirt and there is labored breathing against his skin and desperation bundling along with the nervousness and guilt in his stomach, easily sated by the rushes of satisfaction with every kiss.)

―his breath is heavy and his eyes are shut as tight as they can possibly be.

* * *

 

Lots of things make Kiku feel  _ guilty. _

Lots of things make his stomach sink and his thoughts feel far too heavy to be intangible. When Kiku thinks of his friends―people who trust him and love him and care about him―like  _ this _ when he’s with  _ her _ it feels… wrong. Like taking advantage of them―or the thought of them―in some way.

(Natalya makes him feel guilty, too, because he’s using her and she’s using him and they are so unquestionably  _ lonely _ when they are together.

Sometimes Kiku gets worried that he’s truly himself when he’s with Natalya. He is the most genuine he can be when he is using her for affection, for attention.)

Kiku doesn’t think he could ever really date anyone. He can barely surmount the stress of just being friends with people, let alone being romantic with them. It’s just that sometimes he  _ wants _ something so badly and he just knows that it’ll never happen. So Kiku lets it happen with Natalya.

He doesn’t know her that well, and maybe that’s why it’s so easy to project others onto her. To make her nameless and faceless and usable.

(Kiku buries that thought away, because listening to himself think like this makes him sick to his stomach. Still, he thought it, and somewhere within him he knows it’s true.)

* * *

 

(It becomes difficult to know yourself, sometimes.

To know what your thoughts are when no one can police them. To know what you think of others and even worse―to know what you think of yourself.

To know that you sink down to her level because at the end of the day, you see yourself in her. To know that you’ll reach into the abyss if it means you can reach someone just as lonely as you.

She’s pulling you into her void―but you'll do anything to be out of your own.)

**Author's Note:**

> lmao hi it's me. so i was watching scum's wish (an anime i... don't really like) and dealing with my own Depression and general loneliness and i decided "hey, let's write a fic" so here's a fic.
> 
> also head's up if you intend to keep up with this stupid thing, sexual content will mostly be implicit (as im not really up for writing 2 teens having explicit coitus) but like because a main theme is that the two of them are Lonely Teens who are emotionally kind of starved, it'll be mentioned quite a bit probably?? i've only got half the second chapter give me a break.
> 
> but rest assured there won't be any explicit sexual content, the most you'll get is some implication and a jerk off comment here or there.


End file.
